


I'm Asking

by bromanticheartmates (justmagnusbane)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Confessions, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Season/Series 15, and he wont take that lying down, because dammit they deserve it, dean fights for the man he loves, dean finds out about the deal with the empty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:34:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26620741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justmagnusbane/pseuds/bromanticheartmates
Summary: "There were a few things in life that Dean was sure of; one, his dad had tried, but failed, at being a good parent; two, he was definitely the better-looking brother and he didn’t care what Rowena said; and three, that he knew Castiel better than probably any other being – human or celestial – in existence."Dean notices something is wrong with Cas and won't leave without an explanation.Aka Dean finds out about Cas' deal with the Empty.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 126





	I'm Asking

**Author's Note:**

> First ever Supernatural fic which is kinda crazy considering I've been a fan of the shower for over 7 years! Either way, hearing about the developments of Season 15 just made me want to revisit this fandom. Fair warning I haven't actually watched season 15 so any nuances or little bits I get wrong I apologise! Hope its an interesting read anyway!

There were a few things in life that Dean was sure of; one, his dad had tried, but failed at being a good parent; two, he was definitely the better-looking brother and he didn’t care what Rowena said; and three, that he knew Castiel better than probably any other being – human or celestial – in existence.

It had been a long time since that night; lost in the dark in a rickety old barn, Bobby a consistent and reliable presence at his side, sparks scattering across the ceiling as a dark figure swaggered through the barn. But Dean still remembered very vividly how scared he had been that night. How his chest had ached with anxiety as he watched Bobby fall to the ground unconscious. For the first few years of their friendship Dean had been a healthy amount of scared by Cas and his powers but now, the idea of being _scared_ by him was almost laughable.

But right now, Dean was scared. Because it had been a long time since he couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong, and why in the world Cas _looked_ at him like that; why he stared so strangely at Dean in the days following God’s defeat; why he had avoided him ever since.

It had been a few weeks since they’d stopped Chuck and any other time Dean would chalk the silence up to exhaustion. But since his defeat their little family had almost immediately had to respond to a hunt down in South Carolina. After stopping the djinn there they had returned to the bunker and had a small belated celebration about their survival – ignoring the unspoken acknowledgement that they all needed to be together to forget the pain of almost, very nearly, losing one another. Dean had thought that afterwards there would be some sort of unspoken rule that they’d spend time together, not that he was outright complaining. After all, Sam had been comfortable lounging in the library, switching between reading and binging ‘Downtown Abbey’- Dean had adequately bullied him for that one. Jack had taken to baking, which Dean hadn’t expected but had been happy to humour. He taken him to the nearest supermarket about 3 times in the last 4 days but he reframed from any teasing lest the constant supply of pie and cakes stop. They all seemed content and happy for the time being.

Cas on the other hand, had been very quiet. Dean had caught him pacing multiple times, had even caught him sat quietly in the corner of the library staring into the distance. He’d forced himself not to say anything at the time, but as the instances piled up Dean felt his resolve slipping.

There hadn’t been anything particularly scarring or disturbing occur on their most recent hunt and as far as Dean was aware there was no huge looming threat. And yet, Cas was acting as though he was awaiting imminent doom.

“You seen Cas?”

Sam looked up from the large grimoire in front of him, his eyes squinted and lips pursed. “No, he’s been pretty quiet.”

Dean totally understood the confusion plastered across Sam’s face, because he’d felt it for days. “So, it’s not just me?”

“No man”, Sam said. “Is he… okay?”

Dean shrugged, trying to look blasé. From the look on Sam’s face his concern was very obvious. “I don’t know. I’ll let you know if I ever find the guy.” He rolled his eyes.

Sam snorted softly, nodding. “Yeah. Check the kitchen, maybe he’s with Jack.”

Dean knew he wasn’t – he’d already checked – but he nodded anyway.

He checked his den next. Cas would never admit it, but he’d grown fond of movie nights and the den had subsequently become one of his most frequented rooms of the bunker. Dean teased him about it but really, he was just as attached to those nights curled under blankets laughing at comedies or jumping around in giddy excitement at cowboy movies. In fact, at this point most of Dean and Cas’ text conversations consisted of the message “movie night? :)” sent over and over between the pair.

But Cas wasn’t there and it was obvious he hadn’t been in a while if the cool stillness of the room said anything. Admittedly, with the angel being so cagey the room hadn’t seen much action in the last couple days, but right now it felt stiflingly empty.

Dean left quickly.

Rounding the corner of the hall towards their rooms, Dean startled when a blonde figure tumbled into his way.

“Jesus, kid!”

Jack looked flustered but characteristically excited to see him. “Sorry! I was just coming to find you or Sam. I have an important question; what does ‘Karen’ mean?”

Dean stared for a moment. “What?”

“Well, I found this website about bird watching, but everyone seems rather distracted with ‘Karens’ at the moment and I don’t… I’ve never heard of that species. Is it- is it some type of lingo?”

Dean contemplated what to say; he couldn’t say he was particularly familiar with the current vernacular of the internet. “It- I don’t know, kid. It’s a name. A woman’s name. I don’t- y’know what? Go ask Sam.”

Jack nodded vigorously. “Okay, good idea. Thanks Dean!”

Dean watched him leave unable to fight back a smile. That kid had been through hell and yet he still found the basics of humanity so damn exciting. It was refreshing; it had been years since he or Sam – or even Cas – had that sort of unrelenting hope and curiosity.

Jack had handled everything pretty well all things considered. It was no secret that Cas and Jack were close, maybe because of their shared angelic nature or maybe just because they were so damn similar. But either way, Dean found it weirdly comforting to hear Jack sit back and share sweet if naïve life lessons – that he just _knew_ had come from Cas – as if they were gospel. If it kept the kid happy, it was good enough for Dean.

Realistically, it made sense for Jack to seek so much guidance from the older angel and it was for that reason that if Cas was feeling down and ignoring both Winchesters, then Jack was the most likely to have seen him. Hell, there was no way that the half-angel wouldn’t have been asking around about Cas unless he’d seen him. With that thought, Dean cursed not having asked Jack where he was.

Dean sighed, running a hand down his face in exhaustion. He turned down the hall towards Cas’ room, fighting the urge to just burst in. Instead, he knocked.

There was a long silence for a moment and Dean suspected that Cas was probably debating whether to acknowledge that he’d heard the knock. Eventually his manners wore out, and his deep if quiet voice passed through the door.

“Yes?”

Dean frowned. “Hey Cas, buddy, you okay?”

Silence again, but this time Dean couldn’t help but shuffle nervously. He rested his head gently against the door, straining to listen through the wood.

“Yes, thank you Dean. I’m fine.”

“You sure about that?”

“Of course.”

The angel’s voice was tense and his curt reply was almost cut off when Dean hit the metaphorical ‘fuck it’ button and burst into the room.

Cas looked up, startled. He was curled in his bed sheets, trench coat cast carelessly over the end of the bed. Dean had a passing thought that the millennia old angel looked cute tucked into thick sheets, face partially hidden by the duvet, before he shook it from his head.

Dean stepped forward into the room, flicking the door closed behind him and approaching the bed with confidence that he wasn’t sure entirely genuine.

Cas sat up reluctantly. He seemed displeased with Dean’s intrusion- not that Dean could really fault him. It was that reaction that made Dean both nervous of rejection and even more resolute in his decision to check on him.

“What’s going on, Cas?” Dean asked as he sat on the side of the bed, gently pushing the trench coat out of his way. He looked Cas dead in the eyes, imploring him to just… spill the goddamn beans. “And no bullshit”, he tacked on abruptly when Cas opened his mouth to respond with what was undoubtable a false platitude.

Cas paused, looking at him closely. Dean wasn’t sure what Cas read on his face but the angel sighed, settling back against his pillows. “No bullshit”, the older man conceded, nodding once. “I’ve been keeping a secret from you.”

The admission made Dean pause. There once was a time when the idea of Castiel lying to or keeping truths from him or Sam would have left Dean spiralling, memories of betrayal and deals with demons clouding his judgement until he was dizzy with anger. Now though, Dean just watched the angel and waited for his explanation.

Cas seemed unsettled by Dean’s lack of reaction, brows arching in confusion.

Dean shrugged. “I figured you were keeping something from me”, he said softly. “How worried should I be?”

The silence that settled between them in the moments following made Dean restless. Cas looked ashamed and despite his earlier pride at their absence, the memories of that night flooded Dean all at once. The last time Cas had looked so apprehensive at telling him the truth, it had been with the glow of a ring of holy fire casting shadows across his face.

“What is it?” Dean finally asked when the silence grew too much.

Castiel – and in that moment Dean just couldn’t look at him and see _Cas_ , because he could feel himself withdrawing as the threat of betrayal loomed – looked down at his hands.

“I- I made a deal.”

Jesus. As if the déjà vu couldn’t get any worse.

Countless ideas and concerns propelled themselves across Dean’s mind in that moment, so fast that it left him breathless and disorientated. Had Cas sold his soul? Wait, angels didn’t have souls. Was Cas human again? Had he sold his grace? Was that why he was bedridden and avoiding them all? Was he dying?

“What… What deal?”

It seemed as if those words triggered the same memories in Cas as his admission had for Dean, for he immediately looked up and shook his head. “Not with a demon. Don’t worry, I’m not opening purgatory, or bargaining souls.”

There was a hint of irritation in his voice, as though he was pissed that Dean had even considered that. But who could blame him? With Cas’ track record and the eerily similar situation, Dean was fighting every instinct in him not to throw a match down at the ground to light the non-existent holy oil ring at his feet.

“Who’d you make it with then?”

Dean was almost impressed at how calm he sounded, even with his internal monologue running a mile a minute.

“It- It was to save Jack, okay?”

And if everything before that moment hadn’t panicked Dean, then the desperate attempt at justification and the frantic way that Cas sat forward to grab at his hands did.

“Cas, what did you do?” Dean asked, louder this time, panic growing.

Cas looked down at where his hand was gripping the arm of Dean’s shirt. “I made a deal with the Empty to save Jack.”

“You-”, Deans throat caught and he stared at Cas in disbelief. He felt stupid as his mouth fluttered opened and closed around words that never made their way out. Cas finally looked up and met his gaze, but something in his eyes plead Dean not to say it.

“What-” Dean struggled around the words, unsure if knowing the answer was worth it. “What did you offer?”

“Me”, Cas said quickly.

Dean had been shot, stabbed, you name it. But the sharp stab in his gut in that moment left him spiralling in a way none of those other times had. He racked his brain for what to say, for how to formulate the words. But amongst his panic, one thought suddenly reigned most important.

“How are you here then?”

Cas seemed lighter now that the confession had been made and he didn’t struggle to reply quite as much as he had before. He still struggled to meet Dean’s gaze however. “It said that it would come for me, but not yet.”

Dean stumbled over his words, his fingers raking through his hair violently as he rose to his feet. He felt a brief pang of regret when Castiel’s hand fell uselessly onto the bed sheets but he ignored it, turning to face the angel directly. “Do you know when?” His voice was gruff, the tightening of his throat forcing the words out raggedly.

Cas paused again but this time Dean didn’t grant him the privilege.

“When?” he demanded, voice raising until he was almost shouting. Cas flinched just slightly.

His reply was lost to Dean amongst the pounding of blood in his ears. “What?”

“When…”. Cas swallowed. “It said it would come for me when I was happy. When I finally allowed myself to be truly happy.”

Dean surprised himself in that moment, when – without any real thought – he sat down in front of Cas and grabbed his hands between his own. “When you’re happy?”

Cas nodded.

“Jesus”, Dean grunted as he stared down at his lap. “Damn it, Cas.” It came out as a whisper, but Cas heard it none the less and let out a stuttered breath in response.

“Dean, I-”

“-Don’t”, Dean interrupted, shaking his head. “Just… give me a second here.”

He could see Cas nod out of the corner of his eye.

There was little noise for a few minutes as Dean digested Cas’s confession. He took comfort in the sound of the angel’s breathing, no matter how irregular and distressed it seemed.

“Why are you telling me this? Why now?”

“Because you asked”, Cas said, as though such simple reasoning wasn’t entirely incomprehensible to Dean in that moment. “Because… because I don’t want to lie to you anymore.”

Cas had always been a simple man. Before falling, he had been both incredibly difficult to read and yet like an open book. He was so limited in his emotions that when one sprouted up it had been easy to pinpoint; shame upon asking Dean to torture again; doubt as Dean had begged him to help them stop Lucifer rise; happiness as Dean had led him down an alley, laughter echoing all around the streets of a local rundown brothel.

As the years had passed and Cas had fallen and developed a propensity for powerful emotion, it had become slightly harder to read him, but still never impossible. For such a stoic man, Cas had a terrible poker face and he wore his emotions on his sleeve.

The innocence with which Cas had spoken made Dean grit his teeth to force back tears.

“I don’t- I don’t understand. Is that… is that why you’re avoiding me?” Dean asked.

He jumped slightly, staring down at their hands when Cas began to gently run his thumb over his knuckle. Dean watched it, hypnotized and entirely unwilling to pull away.

“Can I tell you something if you promise not to get angry?”

Dean looked up at Cas, frowning. The angel looked nervous and maybe a little scared. That made Dean angry for reasons he couldn’t quite grasp. He nodded.

“I’ve been avoiding you because… because being with you makes me happy.”

Dean watched Cas silently as the angel nervously bowed his head.

“Being with all of you”, Cas eventually corrected when the silence stretched too long.

Dean nodded, a pit of disappointment settling in his stomach. He forced his mind back to the situation at hand.

“And quite honestly, I don’t know what it will take but… I don’t want to risk it.”

“Maybe do risk it”, Dean said unthinkingly. Cas looked almost offended. “No, not like that”, Dean rushed to say. “I mean… lets summon the bitch. We’ll deal with it. Together.”

Cas’s faced morphed so quickly that it almost made Dean laugh. Maybe it would have if the furrow of Cas’s brow wasn’t as deep as the Marianna trench as he frowned. “No, Dean. No.”

Dean fought back the urge to get angry, Cas’ stern delivery making him feel embarrassingly inadequate. Instead he glared as passionately as he could.

“What do you mean ‘no’? What, you got a better idea?”

“Yes”, Cas didn’t hesitate to reply, his voice firm and angry. “Leave it alone.”

Dean scoffed. “Fat chance.”

“Dean”, Cas deadpanned. “Nothing can be done, the deal can’t be broken. The Empty is powerful, far too powerful for us.”

“You’re saying that to one of the guys who just killed _God_?”

Cas rolled his eyes and Dean fought back the urge to do the same.

“What, you want me to just sit on my ass as you get dragged off to fuck knows where? No way!”

Cas withdrew his hands, digging them into the sheets that pooled around his lap. “Dean-”

“No”, Dean interrupted, his throat constricted until his voice broke and the words came out unsteadily. “No, don’t ask me to do that.” His voice was shaky and he looked imploringly across at Cas, who seemed unsure how to proceed.

“Dean, this isn’t your fight.”

“Your fight is my fight. Always has been.”

Cas shook his head, “Dean, I can’t ask you-”

“-You’re not asking! I am! Asking you not to roll over and give up!”

“I’m not giving up Dean, if there was something I could do-”

“We can fight!” Dean shouted, standing up again to stare down at Cas as his voice grew. “We can kill it, we can bargain with it, who gives a damn! But we gotta try!”

Cas rose to his feet, stepping towards Dean tentatively. Dean rejected the gesture outright, turning on his heel to pace the room. “There’s nothing to bargain, Dean”, he said softly. “There’s no fight to win.”

Dean’s head dropped and his eyes slipped closed. Castiel watched as his throat worked, swallowing deeply and no doubt forcing down tears. When Dean looked back up, Cas’s fears were confirmed. Dean’s eyes were red-rimmed and pooling.

“You can’t ask me to sit back and- you can’t.”

“Well I am.”

“Well don’t!” Dean cried, stepping forward as his face twisted with rage. “Don’t!”

Cas ran a hand across his face, sighing. “Dean”, he pled quietly.

Dean shook his head, turning away. After a moment’s hesitation, he looked back at Cas and took an unsteady breath.

“Cas”, he began softly, his voice shaky. “I can’t just sit back and wait, and watch as you… I can’t _do_ that. Do you even get it? Do you not get what that was like? When Lucifer killed you?”

Cas blinked, taken aback by the course of the conversation. His head tilted just slightly to the left and Dean almost smiled at the familiar reaction.

“Cas, I had to burn you. I had to-”, he paused. “I had to wrap you up and burn you on a pyre and I- I can’t do that again.”

“Dean”, Cas finally interjected. “You deserve to be happy, to stop fighting.”

“So do you!” Dean said, face red and flustered as he glared across at the angel.

Cas could see Dean’s growing distress and raised his hands placatingly. “I’ve had millennia, Dean”, he tried to reason.

Dean jabbed a finger against his own chest. “Not with me!” he yelled brokenly.

Cas froze.

When it dawned on Dean what he had said, he too stopped. His hand dropped suddenly and his red face grew hot as his eyes darted away from Castiel’s.

Cas watched him, wanting so desperately to reach out and touch, to turn his face and meet his gaze and tell him that he _understood_. That he felt the same; that he understood Dean’s distress because the mere idea of Dean in his position had Castiel’s eyes watering. Instead, Cas stepped forward and lowered his voice just slightly until he was almost whispering. He could feel a dull ache spread across his chest and throat as he blinked back the growing wetness of his eyes.

“Dean, you’ve fought for this whole world.”

Dean looked up at him, eyes wide.

“It’s not your job to fight for me. Not this time.”

“Cas”, Dean spoke gently but with a firmness that left no room for argument. “The last time I lost you… I didn’t know what to do with myself, okay? We couldn’t- _I_ couldn’t”, his breathing grew frantic. “I couldn’t _breathe_ , Cas.”

“Dean.” Cas jolted, surprised at how broken his own voice sounded.

“I can’t do that again”, Dean said brazenly. “I really don’t think I could take it again, Cas.”

Cas was silent for a passing moment before he nodded slowly. Dean frowned, watching the angel closely.

“What does _that_ mean?”

Meeting his eye, Castiel shrugged in a motion that still looked strange on a literal angel. “I don’t know what to say, Dean. If I remind you of how binding the deal is, you get angry. What am I supposed to say?”

“That you’ll help me think of a way to make it not so binding?” Dean said, voice rising incredulously. When Cas looked away, Dean rolled his eyes. “Well fuck me then, I guess.”

“Dean-”

“-No, you’re so eager to die, far be it for me to stop you, Cas.”

Cas’ eyes narrowed. “You think I _want_ to die?”

Dean shrugged, and took sick delight in the way that it made Castiel glare. “Who knows Cas. Sure seems like it.”

“Well I don’t”, Cas said bluntly. “I don’t want to die Dean but I also wanted to help Jack. So, this is the compromise.”

“Not really a compromise though, is it?”

Cas growled slightly, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation and frustration as he turned his back to Dean. Dean watched, struggling desperately to figure out what it was Cas needed to hear to actually _give_ a shit.

Silence fell between them once again until Cas dropped his head between his shoulders and Dean couldn’t fight the draw anymore. He stepped up to his best friend and gently rest his hand across his shoulder blade. Castiel tensed for barely a second before he sighed.

Dean grit his teeth, fighting back the discomfort that came with knowing what he needed to say. After all these years, all the near-death and actual death experiences and not once had Dean ever been able to get through to Cas and the almost non-existent selfish self-preservation part of the angel’s brain. To the best of his memory, there was only time Dean could remember succeeding very distinctly; the tomb.

“Cas.” He took a steadying breath. He ignored how his chest bubbled with anxiety, his eyebrows twitching, his teeth gnawing at his lower lip. “I need you.”

Cas didn’t reply but his breathing got just a fraction louder.

Dean saw his window and took it. “I’m asking, okay? I’m asking you to not do this. To fight. I’m asking you to choose me.”

He almost regretted saying it when he heard Cas’ breath catch. As the angel’s mouth moved silently as he struggled to respond, Dean knew this was his final chance to really break him down.

“Please”, he said quietly, bowing his head until his forehead rested against the arch of Castiel’s shoulder. “I love you, Cas. Don’t ask me to lose you.”

Cas was unresponsive for so long that Dean could feel his flight response kicking it, driving him to get the hell out of there. He fought against the embarrassment and instead slipped his arms around the angel’s shoulders to draw him into a tight if awkward hug. He turned his head just slightly until his lips rested against the base of Castiel’s neck. Dean closed his eyes, listening to Cas’ breathing.

“Dean.”

Dean blinked his eyes open, lifting his head just enough that he could meet Cas’ eye as the angel turned his head to look back at him. Something unspoken passed between them and Dean loosened his grip around the seraph, his hands smoothing gently down his arms as Cas turned to look at him.

Dean wasn’t entirely sure what it was in that moment that felt so different but he could see clearly, as though there were literal tectonic plates beneath them, as their relationship shifted.

For the first time since meeting him, as Castiel’s eyes dropped down to his lips Dean didn’t feel the usual shiver up his spine that made him look away. Instead, his chest bubbled with nerves as his heart rate climbed. He licked his lips instinctively before realising what he had done, pausing with his tongue just slightly out and resting against his lower lip.

Cas’ eyes honed in on it and Dean quickly closed his mouth, his grip on the angel’s forearm tightening barely.

“Cas-”, Dean cut himself off as Cas leaned forward, eyes flickering between his eyes and his mouth. Cas seemed unsure but determined.

He knew immediately what was happening, his toes curling in anticipation as the angel leaned closer. Their lips grazed and Dean couldn’t hold in the breathless “fuck” as dry lips pressed ever so lightly against his.

Dean wouldn’t say he was a “expert” per se, but he’d certainly kissed his fair share of people. Albeit none of them were men, and there was something distinctly alien in the slight scratch of stubble and the chapped lips against his now. But he was always pretty confident in his kissing abilities; hell, he’d been complimented on them the first time he’d ever kissed Stacy March in middle school and had spent the remainder of the day grinning with pride at how impressive his first kiss had been.

Now though, he felt as unsure as Cas surely did. He knew the angel had kissed others before but to say he was “experienced” was probably a little generous.

It was for that reason that Dean squeaked in surprise when the angel angled his head and grazed his tongue against the seam of Dean’s lips, slipping it inside his mouth daringly when the hunter quickly gave in.

Hands fell to Dean’s waist, tugging until he had no choice but to stumble further into Cas’ space. Dean slipped his hands up, fingers swiping gently across Cas’ neck as he pulled just slightly back, before diving back in to claim the angel’s lips. His hands curled around the back of Cas’ neck, fingers running absentmindedly through the hair at the base of his neck.

Cas sighed and Dean startled when he felt the hum against his lips, as though suddenly reminded of the reality of what was happening. He winced internally and prepared himself for the onslaught of disgust that would surely follow. It didn’t, and Dean didn’t waste a moment questioning it, instead deepening their kiss until the taste of Castiel was so familiar that he craved it when their lips separated.

Dean wasn’t sure how long they kissed for but when they finally drew back and Cas laid his lips gently against the crown of his head, his legs felt tired and his breathing was raged. He took a deep breath and surprised himself when he laughed.

Cas drew back, frowning down at him. “What-what’s funny?”

Dean shook his head, smiling. “Nah, man, nothing. It just… that was weird.”

“Oh.”

Dean immediately drew his hands around Cas’ face, forcing him to meet his eye. “Not like that” he swore, sealing the promise with a gentle kiss to the angel’s lips.

Cas _beamed_. “That was… good.”

“Just good?” Dean teased, arching his eyebrow.

He felt a wave of fondness for the angel when he rolled his eyes. Strangely, despite everything that had changed between them in the last couple of minutes alone, nothing at all felt _different_ and it made Dean’s skin tingle with pleasure. Again he waited for the shame to kick in and was once again left with emotional blue balls.

“Very good”, Cas clarified unnecessarily.

Dean snorted. “Yeah”, he said. Nervously, he stepped back. Cas seemed reluctant to let him leave his space and dug his fingers into his hips. Dean took the hint and didn’t attempt to move any further. His hands dropped to rest awkwardly on the angel’s pecs.

“So, uh… are you gonna fight or?” He aimed for teasing but his genuine concern was obvious.

Cas seemed disappointed at the reminder. “Dean-”

This time Dean stepped out of the angel’s grip entirely. “You are _joking_ right?”

“There’s nothing-”

“-If you say there’s nothing we can do, so help me God Cas I will kick your ass. Kiss or no kiss.”

Cas glared. “I’m not fighting you on this again.”

“Fine”, Dean relented. “So much for giving a shit about me, huh.”

“Dean, of course I care!”

Dean snorted, turning his back to the angel and heading for the door.

“I love you”, Cas said hastily, almost desperately. “Don’t mistake this for not loving you.”

Dean paused, squaring his shoulders. “Prove it”, he challenged. He looked back at the angel. “Your words mean nothing to me, Cas. Not if you’re gonna turn around and walk right to the Empty without a goddamn look back!”

“What would you have me do” Cas asked desperately, stepping up to the Winchester until Dean was forced back against the closed bedroom door. “What solution is there?”

Dean didn’t back down, standing up and leaning into the angel until their faces were centimetres apart and their lips grazed as Dean spoke. “Anything other than roll over”, he hissed.

Cas looked helplessly down at his lips and Dean felt a swell of excitement at that regardless of their situation. When Cas licked his lips, Dean gasped when his lip swept across Dean’s mouth too.

He could hear his own voice shouting at him in his head to stop but he ignored it in favour of kissing Cas and wrapping his arms tightly around the older man’s neck. He pulled Cas against him until he was plastered against the door with the angel pressed so tightly to his body that he could feel the rise and fall of Cas’ chest as he panted around an endless stream of frantic kisses.

Dean groaned when Cas’ stubble rubbed against his cheek, his fingers twisting uncontrollably in the fabric of his undershirt, his overcoat still laying across the bed. Cas seemed just as affected, humming in response and licking ferociously through Dean’s mouth.

Eventually Dean couldn’t fight back a moan, his legs falling open just enough for Cas to step forward again and grind ever so lightly against him. He pulled away quickly, closing his eyes.

“Dean, I’m sorry.”

Dean’s lips curled as he fought back tears. He refused to look up at the angel, feeling defiant despite how much his heart ached. “Fuck you”, he said but there was no real venom behind it.

“If there was anything I could do, I wouldn’t hesitate to fight for this, Dean. For you. I have kept myself awake for months trying to think of something. But I can’t.” His voice was deeper than usual and Dean knew Cas was maybe just as upset about this turn of events as him.

Dean nodded gently, feeling disappointment settle so heavily in his stomach that it almost felt like a weight trying valiantly to bring him to his knees. “Yeah” he said quietly, unconvinced.

Cas took a deep breath. “You can’t escape death any more than I can. It’s the inevitable truth of everything. Even Angels. And the Empty is the one that claims Angels; whether it’s tomorrow or in a millennium… she’ll still get me.”

Dean felt almost like a child when he spoke. “Would prefer a millennium.”

“I wouldn’t”, Cas admitted heavily. “I’d have to watch you die. You, Sam, maybe even Jack.”

Dean hummed noncommittedly.

“What I wouldn’t give”, Cas continued quietly, “to be able to live out a life with you Dean. But I’ve had decades, I’ve had my time. I’m sorry it didn’t align with yours.”

The tears came suddenly but not unexpectedly and Dean buried his head in Cas’ chest. Cas didn’t speak further, instead lifting his hand to rest gently against the back of Dean’s. He soaked in the sound of Dean’s despair and let it dig at him for as long as he could stand, welcoming the pain; he deserved it for doing this to Dean. To any of them really. He knew despite his many years of self-doubt that Sam and Jack would be equally devasted. _Or_ , he corrected as he looked down at Dean, _maybe not_ equally.

Abruptly, Dean looked up. His eyes were red and his cheeks were wet but he stared at Cas wide-eyed.

“What? What is it?”

“You said that the Empty collects angels. Their souls or whatever, right?”

Cas’ head tilted to the side. “Well not their souls per se, but yes?”

“And she has no control over humans? Over beings with souls, right?”

“Well, no” Cas said, unsure where Dean was going. “Human souls can only be collected by reapers. By Death – or Billie now, I suppose.”

Dean smiled for the first time in far too long and grabbed Castiel’s arms roughly. Cas frowned, slightly freaked out by the frantic excitement on Dean’s face.

“What if you weren’t an angel?”

Cas froze. He stared at Dean silently.

“What if you were human?” Dean continued, ignorant of Castiel’s shock. “The Empty couldn’t get you, right? You were human once. All we have to do is figure out how to do it again, yeah? Then it can’t get you. So, we just gotta remove your grace. Right?” His eyes searched Cas’ face. “Cas? I’m right, right? Cas!”

Cas jerked, blinking at Dean speechlessly. “I- I… maybe, yes.”

Dean jumped into action, stepping away from Cas with a newfound energy and turning to open the door. “I’ll ask Sammy if there’s any lore on it. Metatron removed your grace once before, we just gotta find out how he did it.”

“Dean”, Cas interrupted gently, forcing the door closed again with a gentle hand. Dean turned back to him, confused. His eyes cast down to Cas’ hand as the angel slowly raised his angel blade into view. Understanding flashed across his face.

Dean accepted the weapon silently, measuring the weight of it in his hand for a moment before he looked back up at Cas. The angel nodded, his lips quirking just slightly into a barely-there smile. His nerves were obvious; removing grace was hardly a pleasant experience. But he trusted Dean.

The hunter seemed to understand and stepped forward as Cas gently raised his head, looking up to the ceiling and presenting his throat.

“Do I- I mean, what do I do with it?”

“My grace?”

“Well, yeah.”

Cas raised his hand again, this time a small glass vial appearing between his fingers. Dean stared at it momentarily, his nerves suddenly hitting him like a gust of wind. He took it gently from the soon-to-be-human, their fingers skimming. He gripped it in his palm, clutching the angel blade tightly in the other.

He drew the tip of the blade to the side of Cas’ neck, taking a deep breath before he began to apply pressure, fighting against every instinct telling him to stop as he started to drag it across the expanse of the angel’s neck.

“Ah ah, no you don’t.”

Dean looked up at the sudden intrusion, eyes widening when he saw a dark-haired woman stood across from him. She looked unimpressed and maybe a little angry.

“Dean”, Cas said urgently.

Dean looked back at his hand and pressed hard, feeling the skin of Cas’ neck give just before his weight disappeared from under him and he was thrown against the wall of the room. He groaned, his back slamming so violently against the brick that he collapsed to his knees, winded.

Cas cried out his name but Dean ignored him, instead looking around the room frantically for the angel blade.

The Empty stepped forward, her features twisting into an angry sneer. “Trying to swindle me I see Castiel?”

Cas looked between the imposing figure and Dean sprawled across the floor, trying valiantly to get to his feet. He turned to face the Empty completely, confident that Dean was okay. “Can you blame me for trying?”

The Empty glared. “Funny”, she said, deadpan. “Who’s to say I won’t do the same? Y’know, go back on our deal? Maybe little old Jack doesn’t need his soul after all.”

Cas stepped forward, only realising his mistake seconds later when Dean called out a warning. Cas stumbled back as the Empty reached out, her hands grazing air. Her glare darkened.

“You can’t hurt Jack”, Cas said confidently despite his nerves. “He’s too powerful now. You have no hold over him; he may be part angel but he’s also part human. He has a soul. Only Death can reap him.”

Dean had no idea if what Cas was saying was even true but he applauded the angel for the confidence with which he lied. He almost couldn’t tell that Cas was just as scared as him right now.

“Who says I want to reap him?” she threatened, stepping forward.

Cas stepped back and Dean felt panic rise when the angel’s back hit the door. He was trapped.

Dean quickly forced himself to his feet, stumbling slightly against the clothes drawers beside him. “Hey, bitch!”

The Empty turned back to him. She smirked. “Dean Winchester. Damn you boys really don’t give up do you?”

“Not in my nature”, Dean goaded her. He cast his eyes quickly to Cas who seemed to understand, and shuffled just slightly to the side to get out of the Empty’s immediate space.

The Empty laughed patronisingly. “Oh Dean, I’m gonna enjoy ripping your heart out almost as much as I’m gonna enjoy dragging the angel kicking and screaming into the pits of nothingness.”

Dean sent her the darkest look he could. “You’re not gonna get fuck all”, he spat. “’Cause here’s the thing; we’ve taken down Death, we’ve even taken down God. Don’t for a moment think I won’t gank your ass too.”

She grinned, as though happy that her taunting had gotten him angry. “And yet by then Castiel will still be lost in the black. He’ll still spend eternity alone. And so will you”, she sneered.

Dean’s eyes ached again and he was reminded of the fact that it was obvious even to a being as unattuned to humans as the Empty that he had been crying. He refused to feel embarrassed, instead watching both the cosmic being and the angel.

The Empty shifted as though noticing how distracted he was even if he refused to cast his eyes to Cas, and Dean panicked.

“You’ll have to pry him from my dead hands, bitch.”

The Empty grinned. “While I’m sure I’d thoroughly enjoy that”, she said slowly, “I don’t need to waste my time with this. And plus, why kill you when I can instead just… kill you inside. Or are you already dead inside, Dean? I’m not sure even God knew if there was anything left in you.”

Dean took the insult, refusing to let anything show on his face.

The Empty eventually rolled her eyes. “I can’t be bothered with this” and she went to turn back to Cas.

Dean stepped forward. “I promise you”, Dean called out. “I will kill you.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Good luck with that.”

“Luck ain’t got nothing to do with it.”

And before she could respond, or even roll her eyes like Dean suspected she ached to, scorching white light burst across the room. Dean ducked down, shielding himself from the worst of it with his arm. A high-pitched whine clawed at his ears and Dean did his best to ignore what he knew was the sound of _Cas_ \- the real Cas, in all his celestial angelic glory.

It lasted for only a moment before the Empty’s cry of frustration sounded over it. Dean looked up; the light still bright but slowly dwindling. He watched as Cas fell to the ground. He scrambled forward to reach him but before he could move his eyes were drawn away to the glowing and swirling light beside him.

Spiralling through the air like whisps of bright white smoke was what Dean could only assume was Castiel’s grace. The constant hum of angelic grace didn’t cease, although it wasn’t so loud anymore.

Dean watched in awe as raw power – as close to a soul as Cas would ever get as an angel – swirled and soared through the air. In its path it brushed near Dean and he couldn’t stop his gasp at the rush of familiarity it brought. Even if Cas was still there, human soul and all, his grace was still just as much a part of him as anything else. And as the white cloud began to fade – its brightness dulling until it was a faint gray – Dean felt almost like it recognised him. It was that that made Dean cry as the grace disappeared, fading – he assumed – back into the atmosphere. Hell, maybe it just returned to Heaven. No pun intended. Or maybe it just… died. Dean didn’t know. But watching as the last part of his angel disappeared from sight, Dean felt grief.

He was brought back to reality by a sharp scream as the Empty howled in anger.

Dean smirked up at her figure, knowing that his plan had worked.

She looked down at Castiel and glared. Cas groaned. His fingers grasping to apply pressure to the slice in his neck. He looked up at her, eyes widening.

Dean watched almost in slow motion as the Empty raised her hand, a dark glow emitting from it. Dean had no doubts about her power and while she couldn’t reap humans, he didn’t doubt she could kill them. Dean cried out, reaching uselessly for Cas as the now-human stared at up the cosmic entity defiantly.

Dean wasn’t sure what happened next exactly, but he shouted out as sharp light blast across the room once more. He was forced to close his eyes, dropping his head to the floor and hiding his face as searing heat burn at his skin. He yelled for Cas as waves of heat rolled over him like tides.

When the panic grew too much, Dean forced himself against all reason to look up and search for Cas. The brightness made his eyes hurt but Dean refused to look away.

When his eyes finally focused around the light, he gasped at the sight of Jack stood in the doorway of Cas’ room, his hands and eyes glowing as he stared down the Empty across from him. Dean gaped as the kid stepped forward and the Empty stumbled back.

“I won’t ask you again” Jack said threateningly, his eyes narrowing.

Dean had no idea what he had asked, his ears ringing so acutely he was surprised he could even hear. But the Empty seemed to know and before Jack could take another step the figure of the dark-haired woman crumbled. Black gelatinous slime poured from her body until any resemblance to a human was gone and the humanoid figure of goo disappeared.

Jack immediately lowered his arms, bending down to rest his hand on Cas.

Cas!

Dean faltered to his feet and helped Jack sit the new human up. Cas blinked rapidly as though trying to get his eyes to focus and he winced in pain as Jack healed the slice across his throat. Dean let out a sigh of relief, his hand squeezing Cas’ upper arm.

Cas opened his eyes finally, looking at him inquisitively. “Did that just… work?” His voice was gravelly and deep, so different to the high screech of his real voice – or Dean supposed what _was_ his real voice.

“Yeah”, Dean said breathlessly, smiling down at the ex-angel as encouragingly as he could. “Really wasn’t expecting all this when I came to check on you, Cas.”

Cas smiled softly up at him as his shoulders sagged, exhaustion setting in.

Dean must have forgotten their current company, because without noticing he began to card his hand gently through Cas’ wildly untamed hair. Cas leaned into the touch and Dean watched him fondly. After a moment’s hesitation, Dean pressed a brief but firm kiss to human’s forehead.

“Anyone gonna explain what the hell that was?”

Dean looked up and opened his mouth uselessly at the sight of his brother stood in the doorway, his hand resting gently on Jack’s shoulder as the Nephilim stared at he and Cas in confusion.

“Well…”


End file.
